K through fifth grade
You build your child’s capacity to manage emotions and solve problems by listening; acknowledging emotions; and “noodling” through challenges together. By keeping your child in the driver’s seat, you’ll foster confidence as well as skills.
“Children don’t need to have their feelings agreed with. They need to have them acknowledged.”
— Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish
Key Strategies
- Listen. When you recognize strong emotions welling up in your child, pay attention to the emotions lurking behind your child’s words. Hold off on giving advice. If they’re having trouble articulating their feelings, gently ask questions to draw them out.
- Acknowledge. Offer a genuine observation such as: “That must feel awful!” Remember what the authors Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish say: “Children don’t need to have their feelings agreed with. They need to have them acknowledged. They need someone to recognize what they’re experiencing.”
- “Noodle.” Offer ideas and continue to express empathy. If they reject your ideas, so be it. Hang in there. See if you can draw out information that will help you both find better ideas. Encourage their ideas and remember that they are in charge.
Additional Resources
Book: How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen so Kids Will Talk, Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish
Book: Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, John Gottman
ListenNoodling